#218 Puppies?

Mia, my one-year-old daughter, really likes puppies. Whether from seeing dogs or hearing her family members imitate them, Mia has figured out that one of things puppies do is pant. When she sees a dog in a book or hears one around town, she'll pant and point. (Mia's not using words yet, and I guess barking must be a bit too difficult.) A couple weeks ago our family went to the zoo while on vacation. We pointed out all sorts of animals to Mia—giraffes, rhinos, alligators, monkeys, bears, seals, and so on. Pretty much without fail, Mia would look at each new animal and pant. It's impossible to know for sure what's going on in Mia's developing mind. I don't know if she thinks all animals are puppies or if she thinks all animals pant or what. All I can say is that Mia makes an interesting companion at the zoo.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#217 Hometown Hunger

My hometown, Waupun, WI, is the only place in the world where I can get my favorite pizza. Tony's Pizza has been a Waupun staple for three generations. Outside of my own family's dishes, Tony's is the taste that makes me feel most at home. Tony's is not a pizza for the faint of heart. The crust isn't exactly thin, but it's not terribly thick. A generous layer of rich red sauce is slathered nearly to the edge. And then there's the cheese. If you've never had Tony's, picture the cheesiest pizza you've ever eaten. Now double that amount of cheese. (This is Wisconsin pizza!) The amount of cheese on this pizza should probably be measured in pounds, but it somehow doesn't drown out the taste of the sauce. Any toppings are distributed generously to complete the blend of flavors. The whole thing is cooked to golden perfection, with the crust just beginning to crisp and the cheese on the edges just beginning to brown. Tony's is comfort food, filling every corner of your stomach. There are traditional pizza sizes, and then there's the party-size football. Look at this beauty:

The greatest works of art aren't framed -- they're eaten.
(Actual caption from the Tony's Pizza Facebook page.)

For me, piping-hot Tony's is pizza perfection. I try to get some whenever I'm back in Waupun. There's no taste like home.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#216 Holiness

Lately some of us at the church where I serve as pastor have been reading the book of Leviticus. Leviticus can be an extremely difficult book to read and understand. We've read through some very detailed instructions for sacrifices. We've read a lot of laws about ceremonial cleanliness that focus on things like skin diseases and bodily emissions. It's easy to feel lost in the weeds at times, wondering what in the world all these regulations are supposed to teach God's people today. I've been reflecting on this a lot, and I've consulted a couple resources written by people much smarter and wiser than me. So here's my take:

Leviticus shows us that God is holy. God Himself stresses His holiness several times in the book. God is perfect and completely separate from sin. God's holiness means that His people must be holy. We must be separated from sin and set apart for God's service. I think God gives laws about external cleanliness to teach us that we can't just come before Him however we want. We need to think about ourselves and the things we've done. The external laws are really meant to point us to internal cleanliness, the condition of our souls, our hearts. We are sinners. Using the Ten Commandments as a guide, our hearts are full of things like idolatry, improper worship of God, misuse of God and His name for our own purposes, unwillingness to trust and prioritize God, disrespect for and misuse of authority, hatred and unjustified anger, lust, greed, dishonesty, improper and inordinate desires. Our sins separate us from God. The sacrifices teach us that something must be done about our sins if we are to come before God, because our sins mean we don't have the right to just come into His presence. In Leviticus animals served as substitutes for human beings. Animals were sacrificed for the human's sins, showing God's justice and need to punish/deal with sin as well as His mercy and willingness to forgive sin. All those sacrifices point us to Jesus, the perfect substitute who died once for all the sins of all His people. As hard as Leviticus can be to understand, I think it reminds us that God is holy and just and that in love and mercy He reaches out to His people to cleanse us from our sins and give us access to Him. I think that's a beautiful perpective on what God has done for us in Jesus.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#215 On Track

I've spent quite a few hours of my life at track meets. Before I was in high school I'd go along with my dad while he coached high school track and field. Then I ran track all through high school and college. I always enjoyed track, but cross country was my true love. Especially in college some of the track meets just felt like they went on forever. We'd spend a full day or even parts of a few days at a meet as event after event after event went by. During those long spring days, a cross country meet with one women's race and one men's race sometimes sounded so nice.

But now it's been nearly nine years since my last track meet. I spent just a little time at a local high school meet a couple weeks ago, and I remembered all the good things about being at a meet with the team. Despite the long hours, there was always something going on, and usually at least one teammate could be cheered on. The grandstand nature of track added a little bit of nervousness as well as a dash of extra excitement as my own events approached and began. And during those stretches of down time, my teammates were always around. All that extra time made for a greater sense of community. Looking back, I have fond memories of dumb conversations we had on the bus, along the fence, in the infield, and over by the tent.  When the weather cooperates, I don't know that there's a place I'd rather spend a spring afternoon and evening. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe that somewhere a gun lap is just about to begin.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#214 Beep! Beep!

We have HBO Max for a month at the Hofman house, which has given me a chance to introduce Lanie and Mia to Looney Tunes. We've had some fun with Daffy Duck and Porky Pig, Tweety and Sylvester, Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam. We've briefly met Marvin the Martian and the Tasmanian Devil. At this point, Lanie's favorite character is definitely Bugs Bunny, which makes sense. He's funny, and he pretty much always comes out on top.

My favorites, however, are Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote. Their brilliant cartoons are so simple: no dialogue (unless you count Road Runner's "Beep! Beep!" noises), just Wile E. Coyote plotting and failing to catch Road Runner over and over again. But I don't get sick of them. I get such a kick out of all the gags, from the fake scientific names (e.g. speedipus rex, overconfidentii vulgaris) to the unending supply of ridiculous Acme Corporation products to the never-ending ways in which Wile E.'s plans backfire. Just today we watched him dress up in a female road runner costume only to have about two dozen other coyotes start chasing him. Classic. Then there's my pick for the greatest gag: the painted tunnel. Check it out:

Simply amazing. I think Lanie's starting to roll her eyes whenever I fire up another Road Runner cartoon. But I don't care. Hopefully she'll learn to appreciate them someday.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#213 Some Christian Perspectives on Sex in Marriage

Picking up from my last post (I'd recommend going to read that one first if you haven't already), I'd like to share some things I've learned about how we as Christians should think about sex in marriage. I'm sure I won't cover everything, but hopefully this will be a helpful starting point.

First, sex is good, enjoyable, desirable, fun. Well, duh, Brian, you're probably thinking. I know that seems obvious, but I think it's worth stating. Sometimes we Christians seem to talk almost exclusively about how sex outside of marriage is wrong (and it is a sin), and so give the wrong impression that all sex is somehow dirty or at least only tolerable. But sex between husband and wife is a good thing. God designed us to enjoy sex, to desire our spouses, to take pleasure from physical intimacy. Sometimes I think Christians can struggle in marriage, especially early on, feeling like they shouldn't desire their spouse. But God wants married couples to enjoy sex. If you don't believe me, go read Song of Songs a few times.

Second, we as Christians should think of sex in marriage terms of giving. So often our culture portrays sex in selfish terms, teaching us to think about what we are getting out of sex. But I think it's much healthier for us to think of giving ourselves to our spouse. God tells us in the Bible that our bodies belong to each other in marriage. Each person should put their spouse first. We should think and act out of love for each other—there's no space for taking or forcing here. What does your spouse enjoy? What makes your spouse feel safe and comfortable? How often does your spouse want sex?

Third, I think we often wrongly try to think of sex as somehow separate from the rest of our married lives. But that's silly. As human beings we are body and soul together. We shouldn't expect physical intimacy to go well if we're having trouble sharing our feelings or communicating about decisions. Sex isn't off in some completely other dimension from things like eating together or helping around the house. All the parts of marriage are connected together. We can think about sex contributing to our marriage as a whole and also building on the other things we do togther as spouses. Sex isn't unimportant, but it's certainly not everything. We shouldn't expect to totally neglect physical romance, nor should we think it's all we need.

Fourth, I think we as Christians think more about connection and unity and not be overly concerned about passion or excitement. I'm not here to say sex can't be passionate or spontaneous or anything like that. But let's not confuse familiar with boring. To borrow what I think is a really helpful image from Lauren Winner, we as married couples can think about sex like comfort food. We're not less satisfied by mashed potatoes and gravy or chocolate chip cookies because we know what's coming. In fact, sometimes part of the enjoyment is knowing exactly what we're getting—an old favorite. Sex isn't about imitating couples on TV or impressing our partners but about coming together, being open with each other, caring for one another. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying married sex has to be repetitive or unenthusiastic. But there's nothing wrong with comfortable and familiar. Sometimes all we need is to be with the person we love and have promised to share our lives with.

Finally and most importantly, as Christians we should approach sex with the goal of honoring God. This is the point that holds true whatever our circumstance, both inside and outside of marriage. In marriage we have the wonderful opportunity to express our physical desires, but we still need self-control. We shouldn't forget that nobody needs sex to survive. So we work on staying faithful to our spouses in actions and thoughts. We thank God for the gift of physical intimacy. We don't manipulate or exploit each other. Our marriages are meant reflect the relationship and unity between Jesus and His people, the church. So we should use sex as a tool to strengthen our marriage and bring us closer together. As couples we should cherish and cultivate and enjoy God's gift of sex.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#212 Marriage Prep and Marriage Help

I've been thinking about sex quite a bit lately. No, not like you're thinking. I've been pondering how we as Christians think about sex, forming sort of a theology of sex. (Okay, I've also had some of those other kinds of thoughts, too, but that's beside the point.) I started reflecting on sex and what it means for Christians becuase my denomination, the Christian Reformed Church, is going to consider a study report on human sexuality at our next denominational meeting. Then a couple months ago I read Real Sex by Lauren Winner, which got my thinking about sex all over again.

There are so many things worth talking about when it comes to sex and sexuality, and I certainly can't cover them all in a blog post. Maybe I'll pick up some different subtopics in the future. This time I want to reflect on sex within marriage. I've been a Christian as long as I can remember. When I was growing up in the church, older Christians, such as my parents, explained that God has designed sex for marriage and so rightly taught me to wait for marriage to have sex. When I was twenty-two, I got married and stepped into uncharted territory. Suddenly sex was no longer something forbidden or something off in some possible future. But I really didn't have much of a framework of how to think about sex in marriage. Almost everything my fellow Christians had taught me had been about abstinence, and that didn't really apply to me anymore. Pretty much anything I knew or thought about what sex was supposed to look like in marriage I had unintentionally picked up from TV shows and movies, from my culture rather than the church. Finally I was in a place where I could appropriately express my sexual desires, but I had very little idea what that should mean for my marriage or my relationship with Christ Jesus.

Now I don't want to be too hard on my fellow Christians. I certainly didn't want to hear anything about sex from my parents. (I still don't, for that matter.) When I was a teenager in youth group, I don't think I was probably ready to really hear about how to approach sex as a married person. I'm sure it came up a little bit in premarital counseling, but we mostly focused on other things. As a pastor, I think working on communication is the most important thing to cover in that brief time. And again, most people probably don't want to hear too much about sex from their pastor or their future spouse's pastor, or the pastor they don't really know who happens to be officiating their wedding as the case may be. And I did hear some good things. The Christians around me did affirm that sex is good in its proper place, a gift from God. I did have some very basic understanding that sex brings two people together as one—and not just in a physical sense.

But I definitely could have used more instruction from a Christian perspective. I think we as Christians tend to drop the ball in thinking and talking about sex within marriage. We're generally not doing all the work we should do in preparing and helping each other to live faithfully as followers of Jesus. Probably what I needed was one or two Christians who had a little marriage experience and whom I trusted to pull me aside after I was engaged and talk with me about how to honor God when it comes to sex. And then after Tess and I got married we should've had some fellow Christians to talk with now and again. But I didn't have that, and—let's not let me off the hook here—I didn't seek that out either. We Christians are often not nearly as interested in accountability as we should be, and we're especially uncomfortable when it comes to sex. So we all end up trying to fend for ourselves and figure things out on our own, which makes us weaker than we could or should be. 

To state the obvious, sex is everywhere in our culture. And the vast majority of what we pick up on TV or online is radically different from what God wants for His people. Certainly God teaches us through the Bible and guides us through the Holy Spirit, but sometimes applying what God wants to our specific situation isn't easy. We shouldn't just expect to figure it all out on our own or leave others to fend for themselves. We Christians can't just be silent. We need to support each other, even if that means learning to talk about a topic that makes us uncomfortable.

I've got a few other thoughts, but this is getting long, so let's leave it here for now. I'll plan to share some general things I've learned from others (and maybe a bit from experience) in a future post.

Grace and peace,

BMH