#83 The Pastor as PR Person

Every once in a while I write a blog that uses an analogy to describe my job—or at least a part of my job—as pastor. This is one of those posts. I did this previously in #15, #16, and #41. (Maybe the next time I'm on vacation I'll get around to tagging and organizing these posts so you can find the other ones more easily.)

As pastor, I occassionally have to serve as public relations person. I'm seen as the public face of the congregation, so from time to time I have to make statements on behalf of the church. I experience this most often when dealing with our members who are shut in their homes or living in a care facility. Once in a while I'll hear from a child of one of these members who will let me know that it would be nice if the church thanked their mother for the offerings they send in her name, or they'll let me know that their father is feeling a little disconnected from the church now that he can't attend regularly. So I do my best to offer thanks and bring greetings and give apologies as necessary on behalf of the congregation. I also do PR-style work when I encounter community members who had a negative experience with the congregation in the past (since I haven't been around all that long, often these experiences are from before my time) and when friends and family members are appreciative of the work the church has done in setting up a special service like a funeral.

While the specific situations I've described above are pretty unique to ministry positions, representing the congregation is a way in which my job is much like any other. Anyone who deals with customers or clients is seen as a representative of their employer. So the next time you think that you have no idea what being a pastor would be like, remember that you probably understand this part of my job pretty well. Pastors: they're not all that different after all.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#82 A Snarky (and Only Semi-Serious) Letter

Dear family, friends, acquaintances, etc.

We know you love Lanie. So do we. We get it. She's adorable. She has a cute smile. She loves to toddle around and babble and say hi. Simply put, she loves all of you, too. But here's the thing: Lanie's growing up and getting into more things, and it won't be long before you begin to miss that baby cuteness. But that's okay, you think, there's a simple solution: we can just have another baby! What a great idea! You just need to tell us how much we need to have another baby. So many of you need to tell us that it's time for us to have another baby.

Here's the thing: we get it. You want us to have another baby. And you know what, we're pretty sure we'd like to have more than one child. But no matter how many times you tell us that you'd like us to have more children, it's not going to make us even slightly more likely to try to have another baby. In fact, if anything, the more times I get told we should have another baby or asked when we're going to have another baby, the more likely I am to say we should wait just to spite all of you. That's how my mind works, in case you didn't already know me well enough to understand that.

This is the deal: I would love to talk about what's going on in all of your lives. If you want to talk about things related to me, I will talk to you about Lanie as long as you'd like, or we could talk about my ministry or sports or Superman comics. But please stop asking when we're going to have another kid. And definitely don't tell us when to have another baby. We'll decide if and when we want to try again, thank you very much. And should we be expecting again, we'll be sure to let you know.

Grace and peace,
BMH

P.S. Today is the 80th anniversary of Superman's first appearance in Action Comics #1 and also the day of the release of Action Comics #1000. Happy birthday, Supes! Still going strong after four-fifths of a century!

#81 "Why Don't You Have Facebook?"

When I was in high school (I want to say it was my senior year), I started a Facebook account. My page was active until the beginning of my junior year of college. By that point I felt like I was pretty much out of witty status updates. I didn't post a lot of pictures or do much chatting. About the only thing I did was wish friends and acquaintances a happy birthday. Since I wasn't really using Facebook, I figured there was no point in keeping it.

That was my last great social media adventure. I've never reactivated my Facebook account; I've never jumped into Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat or even dabbled with something smaller like Vero. (I think I technically have a Google+ account with my Gmail, but I don't remember ever doing anything with it.) I won't say I've never thought about getting back into social media, but I've never seriously considered it.

I think the main reason I continue to avoid social media comes out of a desire to avoid assumptions. Despite serving in a fairly public role, I'm a pretty private person overall. By not having social media, I reduce other people's ability to form opinions about me before they meet me. There aren't so many pictures and twelve-word thoughts floating around with little or no context for interpretation. The less you know about me, the more I'm able to control the narrative. That probably sounds scary or sinister, but I'm not trying to hide things or keep secrets. What I want is for the people who know me to evaluate me based on their real-life interactions with me, not based on other people's opinons of me or even tiny digital snapshots. I guess I think I come across best and most authentically in person. If I'm going to be judged, that's how I'd like to be judged. (Now I realize this is a little bit of a ridiculous thing to write on a blog that anyone can find online. I guess I'm not totally committed to this privacy thing. But I also do agonize over what I write here, and I think this format gives me more space to explain myself more clearly.)

When I was in high school I regularly attended a community drop-in night at my church. Most of the kids that came weren't members of my church, and almost all of them attended a different school than I did. There was something very freeing about going to those drop-in nights. For better or worse, my other friends expected certain things of me. They knew my strengths and weaknesses, my family background, embarrassing things I had done in the past. It can be hard to grow or at least feel like you're growing, when you're around the same people all the time. But at drop-in nights I was pretty much just Brian. My friends there didn't remember a less mature me. They didn't have many assumptions about me. They just knew me as I was at the time. As they got to know me, I think I also learned quite a bit more about who I had become and maybe who I was becoming.

Now don't take all this to mean that I want to ignore my past or cut off all my old friends that I don't see as much anymore. I'll gladly talk about things I remember doing or what I used to be like. As you can probably tell from my blogging, I enjoying reminiscing and am pretty comfortable with self-reflection. Feel free to ask me some questions. But my request is this: if you want to get to know me, please let me tell my story my way and in my own words. Give me as much time as I need. And I will do my best to treat you the way I'd like to be treated. Just know we'll probably have to do it face-to-face.

Grace and peace,
BMH

#80 Janie's Continuing Journey

Way back at the beginning of my blog (post #4, to be exact), I wrote about how I had personally put 100,000 miles on my 1999 Honda Civic, Janie. Today was another historic day in our relationship. Janie rolled 200,000 total miles while Tess, Lanie, and I were on our way home from running some errands. With that many miles and after nearly 20 years, I think Janie is probably eligible for retirement. We don't have any definite plans to get rid of her yet, but the time is coming. (And if we ever hit the point where our family is growing again, I'm sure the time will have come.)

I'm going to want to cry if I spend any more time thinking about life after Janie. So instead, let's celebrate my faithful green Civic. To commemorate Janie's milestone, I made this map of all the states she and I have visited:

If you can't read the map text, the states in green are the states Janie and I have called home over the past 11 years, while the states in blue are other states we've driven through. As you can tell, I'm a Midwest boy through and through. However, we did have a glorious road trip out to Washington for a summer internship during seminary. Those were some great times.

Over the years Janie and I have taken seemingly countless trips to different churches I've attended: Living Hope, Emmanuel, Grace. We drove back and forth to my longtime summer job at Advanced Energy Control so many times that I think I could make that drive in my sleep. We've had so many outings for pizza at Nonna's or seminary nights at Uccello's or custard at whichever Culver's happened to be closest. We made so many journeys back to Waupun from Palos Heights and Grand Rapids. Through it all, Janie has been a faithful friend, a dependable DJ, a shelter from the elements, a capable cargo-hauler, and a smooth ride.

When I ran cross country in college, we would sometimes run through a large cemetary near Trinity's campus. Some of the monuments in that cemetary were gigantic. One day my friend Ryan and I joked that if I was ever buried there, my grave would be marked with a lifesize marble replica of my Honda Civic, and Jesus and I would be sitting up front. It's one of the more ridiculous things I've ever discussed in my life, but I think it speaks to how closely Janie and I have been associated for over a decade. She's a great car. I'm sure her legend will be passed down through generations of Hofmans to come.

Grace and peace,

BMH

#79 Super Serial

This year Superman turns 80, which means I'll probably write a handful of Superman blogs over the course of the year. Today's topic is the 1948 theatrical serial Superman. I watched this serial for the first time the week before last. The story took place over fifteen black-and-white chapters that were originally shown weekly in theaters. The chapters averaged about seventeen minutes in length, so it was sort of like watching a TV show from the days before TV really took off. It's hard for me to imagine going to a theater week after week only to be treated to another cliffhanger, but that's how things worked back in the day.

I really enjoyed Superman. The story was packed with action, and even though the constant cliffhangers got a little bit annoying, I kept coming back for more, anxious to see how Superman would foil the Spider Lady's plot to take control of the dangerous Reducer Ray.

Superman himself was fantastic. He performed some impressive feats of strength and showcased both his X-ray vision and his invulnerability time and time again. He flew quite a bit as well, but, due to budget constraints, the flying sequences were animated, which always seemed somewhat funny. Still, watching Supes wrangle bad guys, bounce bullets off his chest, and leap out of windows was great.

In my opinion the real star of the show was Lois Lane. I think it's fair to say that a Superman story is only as good as its Lois, and serial Lois was magnificent. Time and time again she rushed headfirst into danger to get a story and refused to be intimidated or pushed around. Back in the day Lois always loved Superman but couldn't stand his disguised identity, Clark Kent. She's always scheming to get the scoop before Clark. At one point, Clark and Lois are competing for a story, and Clark says something about getting a break. Lois responds that she hopes it's an arm or a leg. (Savage!)

The rest of the characters were good, too. I liked Jimmy Olsen as a rough and tumble cub reporter, unafraid to get into a fight. I appreciated gruff editor Perry White, and I enjoyed hardworking if somewhat timid Clark Kent. The Spider Lady had quite the gang at her service, and it was fun to see all the different types of trouble she was able to cause.

From what I gather, Superman was very well-received and hugely finiancially successful. It's pretty cool to know that 70 years ago there were thousands of Superman fans out there who enjoyed Supes and his adventures just as I do today. "This is a job for Superman!"

Grace and peace,
BMH

#78 Daylight Saving Time

I hate Daylight Saving Time. I think it's a terrible idea. Dramatically shifting daylight hours messes with my head in a big way. I hate that it's now dark when I wake up when just two days ago it was light. That shouldn't happen when the days are getting longer. I can deal with gradually increasing and decreasing daylight. Abruptly sliding daylight an hour forward and back just annoys me. I was taught that the idea behind Daylight Saving Time is saving energy. Researchers say that's not necessarily the case. In fact, when Indiana adopted Daylight Saving Time a dozen years ago, energy consumption increased by 1%. And even if we're saving on electricity, studies show that we use more gasoline because we're more likely to go out in the evening when it's light. So Daylight Saving Time isn't saving the planet. The article I linked above says that convenience stores and businesses that sell gardening, home repair, and sports equipment are the ones who lobby hard to keep Daylight Saving Time around.

Now, research shows that there are a couple benefits to Daylight Saving Time. People do go outside more when it's light later, and evening crime is reduced with later daylight. However, there are also a number of drawbacks, some of which are pretty serious. There are more deadly car crashes and workplace injuries after flipping our clocks ahead. Heart attacks are more common after the switch, and sleep deprived judges are a bit harsher with their sentences. I just get irritated, and I'm sure there are others like me. If politicians included eliminating Daylight Saving Time in their platform, I would probably be twice as likely to vote for them.

In the end, I just don't think Daylight Saving Time is necessary. A few years back I spent five months in Malang, Indonesia. Daylight was about 5:30 am to 5:30 pm there. Nobody moved their clocks. They just adjusted their schedules to the daylight. They got up earlier and went to bed earlier than most Americans do. I realize we all can't just shift our work schedules, but we could learn to do some things before work if we wanted to maximize our daylight. With the rise of DVRs, we don't need to worry about being awake when all our TV shows air. Maybe we should just let the light be. Let's stop changing all our old clocks twice a year. Let's leave saving the day to our superheroes. I know that'll make me much happier in early March and November.

Grace and peace,
BMH

#77 All by Myself

Tess and Lanie are gone for the weekend. After I dropped them off with a friend of ours this evening, I stopped for dinner on my way home. Now, as most people know, I'm an introvert. I'm very comfortable being by myself; in fact I spent some time living alone overseas after college. But there's something about eating out alone that makes me feel sort of weird and pathetic. I'm not really sure why. There must be people that regularly eat out alone. I've never had the staff at a restaurant look at me funny for eating by myself. But there's something about being alone at a restaurant that throws me off. I get self-conscious. I just don't like it. So if you ever see me sitting at a table for one, feel free to come and join me. I enjoy a good conversation over dinner, and there's nothing like food for building friendships. For now I'll just be glad that my belly is full and I'm back in the privacy of my own home, where nobody has to feel bad for me being alone.

Grace and peace,
BMH