So while we wait for what this year's synod will decide (which may or may not end the discussion for the time being), I thought it was only fair for me to make known where I stand. I think the best interpretation of what God teaches us in the Bible is that God's intention is for sex to only take place in the context of marriage and for marriage to be between one man and one woman. What that means, as I understand it, is that premarital sex, adultery, polygamy and polyamory, and same-sex sexual relationships are against God's will. Some of you reading this might be ready to just leave the blog for now, but stay with me, please. (This post is going to be lengthy, so I won't get into the details of Bible interpretation here, but I will gladly explain how I reach that conclusion if you ask.)
I'm focusing on sexuality here because I want to discuss a specific topic, but let me give a few clarifications. I don't think at all that sexual sins are unforgivable or even somehow worse than any other sins—hatred, greed, dishonesty, selfishness, idolatry, disregard for God, and so on. Nor do I think that people in one woman-one man marriages are free from sexual sin. God speaks quite strongly against lust and makes it clear that sex in marriage should take place with mutual agreement. I think my sexuality is broken, and sexual sin lives in me and my heart. I think every human—no matter their sexuality or gender—has a broken sexuality, and sexual sin lives in all of us and all of our hearts. We may be different, but that doesn't make any of us better than the others.
I think people who are LGBTQ+ can be and are my brothers and sisters in Christ. We all need Jesus to cleanse us from our sins and teach us to live new lives through His power. We all need the encouragement and accountability that come from belonging to Christ as part of His people, the church. God calls us to share each other's joys and struggles. I want my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters to know that they are created in God's image and loved by Jesus Christ. I want to walk together through their ups and downs as well as mine. But I can't in good conscience affirm same-sex marriages. I have not encountered a satisfying interpretation of God's Word (in my opinion) that supports sexual activity outside of a married opposite-sex couple.
I get that this doesn't seem fair by human standards. I understand how convenient it sounds for me to argue that sex and marriage aren't for everyone but are for me. So let me try to lay this out as plainly and openly as I can. Marriage is good. Sex is good. I am married, and (as you probably assumed since Tess carried each of our two daughters through pregnancy), Tess and I have sex sometimes. These are blessings that I am grateful for. But as much as I may want these things, marriage is not what gives my life meaning. Sex is not what ultimately satisfies me. As someone who has moved away from my family of origin and someone who has at times felt isolated because of my job, I think our true human needs aren't for sex and marriage but for friendship, community, fellowship, belonging. I believe God provides all of us with a way to satisfy those needs through the family of His people. In the church we are meant to find true brothers and sisters who will give us a hand, a hug, a listening ear, a safe place. We can have deep relational intimacy even if we don't have sexual intimacy. And most of all, what we need is Jesus Christ. Nothing compares with knowing Him and belonging to Him.
Maybe that still doesn't sound like enough. Why should some people get to have marriage and sex while others don't, especially when our sexuality is not something we choose? I can't say I have all the answers. What I can say is that, as far as I can tell, God's ultimate purpose for human marriage is to point us to the relationship between God and His people. The only marriage that is truly eternal is that between Christ and His church, and that is a marriage that all of us can be part of. Jesus calls all of His people to deny ourselves and give ourselves up for Him. If, as part of that call, Jesus calls us to give up marriage and sex now, He will help us to do that. It won't always be easy or enjoyable, but it will be worth it. And I also understand that the church is far too often not the welcoming, embracing body, the true family that I've described above. We Christians have long isolated our single sisters and brothers and have often terribly hurt and excluded our LGBTQ+ sisters and brothers. I need to own and admit that and do better. We need to own and admit that and do better. As the body of Christ, we all need each other.
So this is where I stand. There are a lot of Christians in a similar place. And there are also many Christians, including some people I greatly respect, some people who are my friends, who are in a very different place and who affirm same-sex marriage for Christians. That gives me pause. I need to humbly admit that while I've tried to be thoughtful and careful I could be wrong. I make mistakes, and I don't see everything. So I've laid out my thoughts and beliefs here for the sake of transparency, not just now but for the future. If a day would come where I feel God leads me to a different position, then we'll talk about that in light of this. But for now, I believe what I've laid out here faithfully reflects how God calls us to live as His people with regards to human sexuality. With this in mind, I'll strive to rightly love my neighbors as Christ calls me to.
Grace and peace,
BMH
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