Five years ago I spent five months living and working in Indonesia. Five years back in the U.S. is long enough that sometimes my time overseas feels like a dream. But five years is also long enough that it's given me some perspective on what my experiences have meant in my life.
To put it simply, I think my stay in Indonesia challenged my self-confidence in two important ways. First, living overseas exposed me to different ways of thinking and living. I grew up in a pretty homogeneous community. Most people that I encountered viewed the world in very similar ways. (I'm sure there were some people with different perspectives, but they normally weren't terribly vocal.) My time in college introduced me to some new people who thought differently and led me to ask some questions about the way I thought. Living in another country took my self-reflection to a whole other level. Things that I had taken for granted my whole life didn't apply in Indonesia. I lived in the midst of people who thought about time and polite conversation and wealth and God Himself very differently that I did. I learned that some things that I had assumed were universal and right were really just one way of doing things. This made me humbler and encouraged me to spend more time listening and thinking. Living overseas helped me question myself. Did I think and believe things because they were right or simply because that was how I had been taught? Neither category was empty, but the first wasn't nearly as full as I thought before I left the U.S.
Second, living in Indonesia made me much more aware of how much I depend on God and other people. Being in an unfamiliar place in the midst of people who spoke a different language meant that I couldn't get very far relying on my own skills. I needed help. I spent a lot more time praying for God's help and looking for His work in my life than I ever had. Again and again God delivered. He kept me safe; He helped me through homesickness; He encouraged me. Most of all, God provided for me by giving me friends. I had to learn to let go of my pride and self-confidence and ask other people for help over and over and over again. And normally this wasn't the kind of help that I could pay back later. I had to humble myself and simply show as much gratitude as I could. Since I've come back to the U.S., I've slid a little bit back toward my old, self-reliant ways, but I definitely still feel further along than I was before I left for Indonesia. I'm much more comfortable asking for help and much more eager to learn from others. And even though I'm back home, God is still helping me grow. Hopefully each day He'll make me a little less self-reliant and a little more attentive to where He's at work.
Grace and peace,
BMH
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