#99 Tolerance

Tolerance might be the highest virtue in the eyes of American society. We tell others, "You do you." We think that nobody has the right to judge us. We figure that if someone's actions aren't actively harming another person, then that's nobody's business. And for the most part, that sounds pretty good. Intolerance, in comparison, sounds awful. That brings to mind images of intense judgmentalism, people screaming that others are wrong, accusatory fingers pointing, people getting kicked out. Clearly judgment taken to the extreme isn't good.

But here's the thing: no matter what we may think, tolerance taken to the extreme isn't good either. Tolerance seems like love. It seems like respect for others and concern for their happiness. Many times tolerance is right. We shouldn't think less of others who have different tastes in food or entertainment. We shouldn't discriminate against others who aren't like us, especially when they're not like us because of differences in things we can't control. But ultimately tolerance becomes indifference. "Do whatever you want. I don't care." And that's not love. In some ways, that's the opposite of love. Love cares deeply about another person.

As Christians we're called to love. We can't just be tolerant without exception. I get why that's appealing. Many times Christians come across as overly judgmental. That doesn't look good, and it isn't good, either. It's not loving to be harsh toward others, even when they do wrong. But it's also not loving to simply allow others to do wrong. When it comes to moral issues, tolerance seems better than judgmentalism, and maybe it even is better than judgmentalism, but is not the answer. As Christians we believe that sins hurt us, even when they don't hurt anyone else, and even when they don't seem to hurt us. Love is finding a way to gently tell others when they've gone wrong while also being very honest about the fact that we go wrong in just as many ways. We need to understand that our sense of right and wrong can often be skewed and not be too quick to pronounce behaviors wrong. We need to be careful about not harshly judging others for things we do ourselves. We need to be compassionate and consider why people do things that are wrong. We need to be forgiving. But we can't just tolerate everything. We need to witness to what's right, and we need to love. We should treat others the way we want to be treated. And I know that I don't want to be tolerated; I want to be loved, even when learning I'm wrong may hurt.

Grace and peace,
BMH