#198 Slow It Down

I've been reflecting on how I use my time lately. Part of that is related to COVID-19. Some of my formerly regular activities haven't happened in several months, so my working rhythm has been changing. With fewer in-person interactions I've had some weeks where I've had a little more space between responsibilities. I also just finished reading Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton, which challenged me to make a habit of taking time to be silent before God.

I've realized just how much I try to fill my time. I want to stay and appear busy in my job because I think that might justify the congregation paying my salary. I use the internet and my smartphone to avoid moments where I'm simply waiting or even not doing anything. Busyness becomes a habit, maybe even an addiction. Our culture tells us we should always be occupied, entertained. But it's hard for me to notice God or listen for His voice when I'm constantly doing something. And it's not so easy for me to be fully present with other people if I have a ton of things on my mind. I wonder if sometimes my busyness is an unconscious attempt to avoid God because I want to do things my way and/or I'm a little scared of what He might want me to do (or to give up) for Him.

But I need God. All my achievements are worthless if they keep me from Him. It's pretty stupid to try to serve God without taking time to be with God and learn from Him. Trying to do things my way isn't good for me or anyone else. So I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be less busy. I'm trying to begin my workdays by taking some time to just be with God. It's hard for me to quiet my mind. It takes me a while, and even then it's difficult for me to stay there. But I believe that God is present. Slowing down helps me remember that God is in control, not me. Seeking God in silence reminds me that I am loved by God, that my value comes from Him, not how busy I am. My purpose is not to do as many things as possible but to become more like Jesus, to draw closer and closer to God. So I'm trying to reduce my distractions and cut back my busyness where possible. I've got a lot to unlearn and relearn, but if I become even a little more open to God, then it will be more than worth it.

Grace and peace,

BMH